Friday, October 12, 2012

Man Joins 21st Century, 21st Century Yawns

So, I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally joined the 21st Century.
I’ve become a pod person, I’ve drunk the Kool-Aid, I’ve become one of those people I used to make fun of.
The peer pressure was too much. I couldn’t take it anymore.
That’s right, I finally bought an iPhone.
A friend of mine who works for an Internet start-up told me that it was going to change my life, that my life was going to be completely different. And he was right. It’s kind of like having a baby.
I remember when I went to pick up my iPhone from the maternity ward, I mean Apple store. I was so nervous!
There was a young man in his twenties standing next to me and he said, “Is this your first one?”
And I said, “Yes.”
“You must be so proud,” he said.
I nodded.
“It looks just like you,” he said.
Well, it was all dressed in black.
“How do you like it?” he asked.
I said, “Well, I’m getting used to it, but I wish I had a pen and paper. I’m used to writing things down. I’m old school.”
“You sound like my father,” he said.
“I’m old enough to be your father,” I said.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said sheepishly. I guess he didn’t have the Older Person Etiquette app.
Now I’m constantly worried about it getting sick, I mean dropping it.
The other day I had to take it to the doctor, I mean Genius Bar. After waiting for about ten minutes a young man came over to me and said “The doctor will see you now.” I mean, “Can I help you?”
I told him my problem. I couldn’t transfer my iTunes collection from my computer to my iPhone because my software wasn’t up to date. He said, “Take two of these and call me in the morning.” He handed me two discs containing the latest versions of Mac OS X and iTunes.
Now I’m constantly showing people my new phone, just like a proud father. I even have some pictures of it in my wallet. Would you like to see them? Sorry.
I think the reason the iPhone is so popular is because it gives people the illusion of having control over their lives. It’s almost as if they think that if they have an iPhone, they won’t die.
But I died a different kind of death the other day. I ran into my Internet friend and he said, “Hey, I just got a new phone. You wanna see it?”
He pulled it out of his back pocket. It was a Samsung Galaxy.
“Oh, great!” I thought. “So I’ve finally decided to buy an iPhone and now they’re not cool anymore!”
But at least I have the baby pictures.